English language jokes

Do you talk about jokes in your ESL classes?

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver’s side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

“I cannot believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” the cop said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else.”

“How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, “Don’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.”

“My God!” screamed the lawyer. “My Rolex!”

Or this series of shorter lawyer jokes

How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?


What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.

What does a lawyer use for birth control?

His personality.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.

Filed Under: Teaching methodology

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